I recently graduated college and now I’m going to boast about it. I RECENTLY GRADUATED COLLEGE! I’m done boasting, but in all honesty, I rocked at college. Like if being good at college was a career, I’d be the CEO of college.
I know what you’re thinking. He must have studied hard, pulled all nighters and spent hours in the library. Well if that was your thought process, you, my friend, thought wrong.
Studied? Please. Pulled all nighters? In my bed asleep while repeats of Family Guy played in the background. Hours in the library? We had one?
I slept in class on film days. I skipped a few classes every semester. I would take extended bathroom breaks to get food, visit friends, and, well, nap. Now that I think about it, I slept a lot in college.
I’m sure you’re wondering how I did it. How did I make all As? How did I graduate with a 3.3? How did I sleep more than yogi? I followed 3 simple rules.
1. Participated. If you say something at least twice every class, your professor will eat that up. Hell, if you just raise your hand (After the professor has already made eye contact and chosen his prey) you’ll get brownie points just for trying, and you don’t even have to have an answer prepared.
2. Visited. Not the liquor store, your professor during office hours. Visiting them will set you apart from everyone else and when it comes to grading a paper that visit you made will probably get you an A- over a B+.
3. E-mailed. Doing a homework? E-mail your professor a question. Even if you already know the answer, just e-mail them. Ask them where to write your name on the page. Whatever it is, the joy they’ll receive from seeing a 1 beside their inbox is unmeasurable. Unless you count getting an A as a measurement.
Basically what I’m saying kids, is that to succeed in college, you have to suck up to your professors. Raise your hand in class, make eye contact, send them e-mails as if you’re interested in the topic of their class. Following these 3 simple rules will allow you to be just like me, and graduate college with flying colors.
Of course you could always just sleep with them.