My Life is Lame

In today’s world everyone wants to be liked.

Hey fellow 11-year-old, if you smoke these cigs I’ll be your friend.  Hey college roommate, if you do my stat homework I’ll get you in to my frats party this weekend.  Hey girl, if you sleep with me I’ll love you like your father never did.

All people want is to be liked, and I my friends, know the secret to being liked.  

It’s very simple.  You see the key to being liked all boils down to one simple word.  ”Yea.”

“Yea” can mean so many different things.

For example…

“That girl is such a b***h.”   “Yea.”

In this case “yea” could either mean, “yea she totally is a b***h.”  Or it could mean “yea, that’s your opinion.  I actually think she’s a pretty cool chick and I enjoy hanging out with her when you’re not around, because when you’re around all you do is snarl and roll your eyes.”

Or

“Does this dress look good on me?”  ”Yea.”

In this case “yea” could either mean, “Yea that dress looks great!” Or it could mean “yea that dress makes you look like chunky peanut butter when you spread too much of it on a piece of bread.” 

Or

“Does this new dish I just made taste good?”  ”Yea.”

In this case “yea” could either mean, “Yea it tastes…great.” Or it could mean “Yea, this tastes worse than that one time my little brother put my grandmothers dentures in my mouth when I was sleeping.”

“YEA” my friends is the way to control the world.  This is how presidents are made.

“Do you have a plan to help the poor?”  ”Yea.”

BAM.  President. 

“Do you have advanced knowledge of micro economics?”  ”Yea.”

BAM. New high paying job.

“Do you do any volunteer work in your spare time?”  ”Yea.”

BAM.  Laid. 

I’m telling you kids, the key to life doesn’t lie in the center of that island from LOST.  The key to life is simply “Yea.”

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