My Life is Lame

So I’m sitting in SFO thinking about the weekend I just spent in San Fran/Oakland, and I’m trying to consolidate my thoughts. 

Here are a few. 

My first experience here in San Fran was riding something called BART.  Which as we all know, rhymes with FART…just saying.  Anyways, my mind instantly went to BART Simpson and never felt safe while on this tricky transportation system.  Also, the system had soft, cushion seats, and I couldn’t help but think about how all the homeless people in NYC would love to have seats like that on our subway. 

Hipsters.  Everywhere.  Seriously.  Within an hour I had received 3 free hugs, a piggy back ride on a skateboard, an offer to go biking through the Castro, and overheard a conversation about how awesome Portland is.  

One interesting facade of San Fran is how nice everyone is. Seriously.  People just kept smiling at me.  I mean probably because they’d never seen such great hair, but I think partly because they were just nice people…missing Portland.

Honestly I don’t get what is so great about Portland.  Is there free money there?  Large affordable housing?  The sorcerer’s stone?  I mean I checked the weather there, it’s not that great.  It rains a lot.  And who wants to be around a bunch of wet hipsters?  Not I said the lame guy, not I.

Back to San Fran/Oakland (Which is where my friend lives.  I know what you’re thinking.  She lives in OAKLAND! Did you have to wear a bullet proof vest?  Or use an Iron umbrella to protect yourself from the raining fire?  Actually, it was pretty nice.  I KNOW! Shocking stuff.  Anyways.)

San Fran was great, but, I’m glad to be beaded back to the cold, harsh New York City…soooo happy.  Not sad at all to be leaving a place where there is permanent sweater weather.  Not. at. all.

On a side note, if anyone knows of any cheap apartments in San Francisco/Nice Oakland, let me know…I have a…a…friend who might be interested.  

So I’m visiting a friend in San Francisco this weekend, and well, I’m not sure what to expect. 

I’ve never been to the west coast before, and from what I hear, the west coast is the best coast.  But I think I’ll be the judge of that.

As I wait to pack until the last minute, I can’t help but imagine what I’ll see when I get off my Jet Blue airplane.

Will I see a bunch of hipsters sharing a joint and a skateboard talking about how great Portland is?

Or will I see the Occupy Oakland people planning to march across the Golden Gate Bridge, but do to a lack of leadership and a strong unified voice they just end up fighting each other and setting day old newspapers on fire. 

Or will I see a strange family with three grown men trying and failing and then ultimately succeeding to raise three young girls, the youngest often having day dreams where there are two of her?  (Do you know what I just referred too?  Do ya?  It was a Full House joke.  You know that show about three grown men trying and failing and then ultimately succeeding to raise three young girls. Yea, that one.)

Honestly I don’t see how San Francisco can be better than NYC.  So what if our Occupy Wall Street fizzled out.  So what if our highs aren’t in the 60s.  So what if we’re on the east coast.  

At least we keep all of our hipsters congregated in Brooklyn around that taco truck.